


/^ 




Wronq 

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Ummh 



T^rke, 25 GetOs 9loyalty;i5.<iS 




Recent Plays That Have '' Gone Over the Top " 



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The Adveatares of Grandpa 
The Air Spy 
The American Flag 
Captain Crariberry 
The College Chap 
The ColoaeFs Maid 
The Country Doctor 
Country Folks 
A Couple of Million 
Cranberry Corners 
Daddy 

The Deacon's Second Wife 
The District Attorney 
The Dutch Detective 
An Easy Mark 
Elizabeth's Young Man 
The Elopement of Ellen 
Engaged by Wednesday 
Freddy Goes to College 
A Full House 

The Girl Prom Upper Seven 
Grandma Gibbs of the Red Cross 
Honeymoon Flats 
The Hoodoo 
The Hurdy Qurdy Girl 
Johnny's New Suit 
Local and Long Distance 
Lost— A Chaperon 
The Loving Cup 
The Man Who Went 
Mrs. Briggs of the Poultry Yard 
Much Ado About Betty 
No Trespassing 
Our Wives 

Pa's New Housekeeper 
Professor Pepp 

The Rebellion of Mrs. Barclay 
A Regiment of two 
Sally Lunn 
The Slacker 
Step Lively 
The Submarine Shell 
Teddy, or The Runaways 
The Time of His Life 
The Troubling of Bethesda Pool 
Valley Farm 

The Village School Ma'am 
Wiilowdale 
For 



Males 

4 

12 

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6 
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lO 

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lO 

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2 
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lO 

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3 

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2 

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Female 

5 

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3 

3 

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12 

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lO 

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Time 

2 hrs. 

1/2 " 

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2- " 

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2* ■" 

2 «• 

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2 " 

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'A " 

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2jP^ " 

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2 «« 

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X " 

2>^ " 

2 

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2X " 

2>^ " 

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Price 
25c 
25G 
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'5c 
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15c 
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2[;c 
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250 



Royalty 

Free 

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Special 
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special " royalties, see catalogue descriptions for 
detailed information. 

BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass* 



Wrong Numbers 

A Triologue Without a Moral 



By 
ESSEX DANE 

Author of"Fleurette ^ Co.* 



PLEASE NOTICE 

The acting rights in this play are strictly reserved and per- 
formance is forbidden unless the express written permission 
of the author first be obtained. Amateurs may obtain per- 
mission to produce it privately upon payment of a fee of five 
dollars ($5.00) for each performance, in advance. All payments 
should be made and correspondence should be addressed to Miss 
Essex Dane, care of Messrs. Thomas Cook & Son, 561 Fifth 
Avenue, New York City. 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 
1919 



Wrong Numbers 



CHARACTERS ^ 

Number i. Number 2, 

A Waitress. 

Scene. — A quiet screened-off corner, in one of the city depart- 
ment stores. 
Time. — One of the big sale-days, during the lunch hour. 



PROPERTIES 



A big fourfold screen. Table. Three chairs. Table-cloth. 
(9«^ dinner-napkin. Two small individual teapots. Two cups and 
saucers. Two teaspoons, knives, and forks. Pepperette and salt- 
shaker. Service tray. Two plates. Sz/ver sugar-how]. A club 
sandwicii. Chicken salad. Muff with a revolver securely fixed 
inside. A velvet jewel case containing a pen4^nt. A large knit- 
ting-bag. Two brass detective badges, absolutely alike. Eight 
or ten dollar-bills in an envelope. A pocketbook with a visiting 
card inside. A watch. A little " check-block " with pencil at- 
tached. 

The stolen articles for No. i must be left to the players' dis- 
cretion, but should be about twelve articles of very dainty women's 
wear, and jewelry. Silk lingerie, boudoir caps, silk stockings, 
perfume, gloves, etc. 




Copyright, 1 9 19, by Essex Dane 

As author and proprietor 

Professional stage and moving picture fights reserved, 
©GI.D 51779 

m 10 1919 



PLEASE NOTICE 

The acting rights in this play are strictly reserved by the 
author. Applications for its use should be addressed to MisS 
Essex Dane, care of Thomas Cook & Son, 561 Fifth Avenue, 
New York City. 



Attention is called to the penalties provided by the Copyright 
Law of the United States of America in force July I, 1909, for 
any infringement of her rights, as follows : 

Sbc. 28. That any person who wilfully and for profit shall infringe any 
Copyright secured by this Act, or who shall knowingly and wilfully aid 
or abet such infringement, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, and 
upon conviction thereof shall be punished by imprisonment for not ex- 
ceeding one year or by a fine of not less than one hundred dollars, or both, 
at the discretion of the court. 

Sbc. 29. That any person who, with fraudulent intent, shall insert or 
impress any notice of Copyright required by this Act, or words of the 
same purport, in or upon any uncopyrighted article, or with fraudulent in- 
tent shall remove or alter the copyright notice upon any article duly copy- 
righted shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, punishable by a fine of not less 
than one hundred dollars and not more than one thousand dollars. 



Wrong Numbers 



The scenery is of the simplest. A fourfold screen is 
set at the back of the stage, behind which is supposed 
to be the restaurant of a large department store — 
Messrs. Altermaker's. An ordinary table, not less than 
a yard square, occupies the center of the scene, right 
and left of which are two chairs. A third chair is 
pushed under table at back facing audience. A white 
cloth covers the table, and service for two, of the com- 
mon variety used in such places, is already on the table. 
Also a well-thumbed menu card. There is a small 
service-table up center back at left of screen, which the 
Waitress uses to arrange her trays. 

{A Waitress appears from behind the screen. She 
goes to table, and pulls out chair l. of table; then 
goes and looks off behind screen, and beckons to 
some one; comes back to chair, and speaks.) 

Wait. Guess you can sit here. {She stands in readi- 
ness. A ladylike woman. Number One, enters, carrying 
a large knitting-bag and a parcel or two. She is evi- 
dently tired, and a trifle nervous and jumpy in manner. 
Her hat is slightly out of angle, her hair a little untidy, as 
a woman looks after a long day's shopping. She ad- 
vances to table, drops into chair, and sheds her packages 
into chair next to her, at back of table. Wait., chewing 
and friendly.) Rest'ront's pretty full to-day! Some 
bargain sale, eh? 

No. I. I'm tired out. (Takes off gloves.) 
Wait. Miss Medwin, our " Supe," generally has her 
lunch here behind the screen — it's quiet. But she's away 
to-day — got the " grippe " — 'so I guess you'll be all right. 



6 WRONG NUMBERS 

No. I. Thank you. There wasn't a seat in the place. 

Wait. / know it! {Hands menu to her.) What 
'cher goin' to have? {Chews.) 

No I. {looking it over wearily). Oh, J don't know! 
Oh — bring some corn-beef hash, and 

Wait, {inexorable as Fate). No corn-beef hash — no 
beef-stew. Chicken-stew {running it off as one word), 
fishballs — gumbo — oyster patties— blackfish — whitefish — 
bluefish 

No. I {shuddering). Oh, no i Bring me {an idea) a 
club sandwich and — a pot of green tea — very strong. 

Wait, {disdainfully). Huh! They all want "green 
tea very strong" — on sale-days. Awright. 

{Goes out chewing.) 

(Woman watches her off, then cautiously takes up 
hand-hag, tries to get something out of it, fails, feels 
anxiously, turns it upside down and shakes it. A 
small velvet jewel-case falls out on the ground. She 
snatches it up carefully, with a little exclamation.) 

No. I. .Gee! I thought I'd lost it! {She opens the 
case, holding it close to her body as she does so. ) It was 
worth it ! It sure was ! 

( With a sigh of satisfaction she shuts case and stows it 
away inside her waist. Another woman. Number 
Two, charming of manner, well-bred, and well- 
dressed, appears round the corner of the screen. 
She looks about doubtfully. No. i looks round, with 
a start at the newcomer; seeing she is just another 
shopper, she gets out her vanity-case and primps 
herself with aloof indifference.) 

No. 2. Oh ! Pardon me ! {Is about to withdraw; then 
seems to think better of it. Looks at vacant seat opposite 
No. I, then at No. i.) Is this place private? 

No. I {reluctantly) . Well — er — I— er 

No. 2 {pleasantly) . The restaurant's full . . . 
there isn't a vacant seat . . . I've been shopping all 
the morning . . . I'm just dropping. {Looks hesi- 
tatingly at No. I.) I wonder if I might ? {Waits; 

no response.) I wonder if you'd object — if I sat at this 



WRONG NUMBERS 7 

table? (No answer; then charmingly.) Vm dreadfully 
tired ! And hungry too — the store's so crowded. Would 
you mind ? 

No. I (trying to put her off). It isn't my table — it's — 
the superintendent's. They only put me here as a spe- 
cial — a great favor — because — — 

No. 2 (pleading charmingly). If you don't mind, I 
don't believe they will. (^Indicating restaurant behind 
the screen.) I can't stand the clatter in there — and I 
should have to- wait hours. (She has now worked her- 
self right in front of the vacant chair, ready to drop into 
it; she waits No. I's word of permission, hut nothing 
comes. No. 2, gratefully, as if No. i had spoken^ 
Thank you so much. (She drops into seat and makes 
herself quite at home, disposing her hand-hag and large 
muff which she carries — the muff in her lap, and the 
hag on tahle hy her side.) I blame myself for coming 
here to-day. The women are like savages. (Examin- 
ing her sleeve.) I got my coat torn! They lose their 
heads completely — ^^clawing and scratching! Wonder 
they don't bite! And yet, I dare say, in their homes 
they're well-behaved ladies, just like — you or I. 

(She picks up menu, smiles pleasantly and studies it; 
there is no encouragement coming from the other 
side of the table. Waitress returns with order 
for No. I.) 

Wait, (looking down on tray and setting order on 
table). Pretty quick, eh? You're in luck to-day, to 

have this all to your (She sees newcomer; stops 

and looks at her, then stares again. Then says, softly, 
as a sort of exclamation to herself.) Hul — lo! 

No. 2 (charmingly unperturbed) . I'm lunching here — 
(eyes on menu) with this lady. 

Wait, (softly, same tone). 'S that so! 

No. 2 (same business). When you've got everything 
she wants, will you take my order, please ? 

Wait, (staring hard, but speaking softly). Oh, I see! 
(Offhand tone.) I suppose so! 

No. 2 (going on very quickly). Just bring me — (con- 
sidering menu) chicken salad and ice-cream — and a — — 



8 WRONG NUMBEBIS 

Wait, {anticipating her). Pot — of — green — tea. 

No. 2. Quite strong. Thanks. Yes. (Looks Wait- 
ress in the eye. Waitress moves away grinning dis- 
dainfully.) JHere! (No. 2 takes coin from pocket and 
hands it to Waitress.) Soon as you can. 

(Waitress takes money, moves away to exit r., look- 
ing at it; then turns sharply, looks at No. 2 and says 
with venom. ) 

Wait. Some people have a noive ! Huh ! 
{She goes off, chewing.) 

No. 2 {smiling). I suppose she doesn't like my com- 
ing here! {Turning round and dismissing Waitress 
from her thoughts.) Do you know — when I first saw 
you, I thought you were a friend of mine. 

No. I {looking at her out of the tail of her eye) . Yes ? 

No. 2. Then you spoke, and I knew it wasn't. My 
friend lives at — er — Ossining. Charming neighborhood — 
except, of course, that the great prison's there. My 
friend's not able to get about. She's confined — (No. i 
looks up sharply) oh, not in the prison — to her room; so 

I knew, of course, it couldn't be, unless (No. i 

moves in her seat ever so slightly.) You don't mind my 
talking to you, do you ? It seems so silly to sit here with- 
out speaking. Men don't do it ! ( No. i sits frigid, mak- 
ing no response. No. 2 makes a little gesture of despair 
with her eyes and head.) Did you get any bargains 
to-day ? 

No. I {thawing, oh so slightly). One or two. {With 
a certain twinkle.) They've some wonderful things at 
the lace-counter ! 

No. 2 ( thankful for small mercies) . Yes, Altermaker's 
is such a reliable store ! ( The Waitress enters, dump- 
ing things that No. 2 has ordered down on table before 
her.) Ah \ {Prepares to eat.) Napkin, please. (Wait- 
ress is standing, back to the audience, absorbed in ar- 
ranging her back hair.) I want a napkin. 

Wait, {turning her head but not her body). I heard 
you the first time. 



WRONG NUMBERS 9 

{She speaks indifferently, hut not rudely,) 

No. 2. That's a new girl, Fm sure. If she guessed to 
whom she was talking, she'd be more careful. (No. i 
looks up sharply. Waitress, with a sudden thought, 
turns sharply round, and grabs plated mustard-pot from 
the table. No. 2, annoyed.) I was just going to use 
that! (Waitress continues zvalking off with the mus- 
tard-pot, R.) Don't take that away, I want it! 

Wait, {continuing her walk). So do /. I'm respon- 
sible for it. ^ [Exits, r. 

No. 2 {rises, really angry, looking after her). I've a 

good mind to {Then thinks better of it.) She'd 

be sorry, if she knew. She might lose her job. 

No. I {with a reflective eye). What do you mean — 
"knew"? 

No. 2. Well, I have a — kind of a — pull here. I'm 
known fairly well at this store. {With a quiet little 
chuckle to herself. ) You were telling me about the bar- 
gains you picked up to-day. 

No. I. Was I? I don't think so! 

No. 2. Yes. At the lace-counter. Or was it the 
jewelry f 

No. I. I don't remember that I said anything about 

No. 2. Oh, yes. Speaking of jewelry, did you see 
those remarkably beautiful pendants they had there ? 

No. I. I didn't notice them. Pepper? . 

{Handing pepperette.) 

No. 2 {taking it). Thanks. Platinum — and diamond. 
And a single colored stone in each. It's not often you 
see things of that value in a department store. Dreicer's 
or Tiffany's more likely. I saw you examining them. 

No. I. Was I at the jewelry? I don't think so! 

{She is puzzled and suspicious at this reference to the 
jewelry. ) 

No. 2. Of course you were. I noticed you. It was 
at the — er — /ac^-counter that I. met you first — then, at 
the lingerie — funny we should meet there too, wasn't it? 
And then, when we were both pricing those pendants at 



10 WRONG NUMBERS 

the jeweler's — or rather you were pricing them — / was 
just admiring them. 

No. I. Yes, but they were too dear for me — er 

(Stops dead.) 

No. 2 (sweetly). Ah, I knew you'd recollect! But 
weren't you there when it happened ? 

No. I. What happened? 

No. 2 (terribly disappointed). Oh — you missed it 
then! I'd gone over to the opposite counter — (smiling) 
fortunate I had, as it turned out ! — when suddenly I heard 
the clerk call out from the jewelry: "Hullo! Where's 
the pendant with the sapphire! It's gone! My God it's 
gone!'' (Looks largely at No. i.) And it was gone!— 
Or he said it was ! Such a fuss ! 

No. I. I went up-stairs before that happened. 

No, 2. It was thrilling ! Everybody looked at every- 
body else suspiciously. I thought they were going to 
arrest us all. But what could they do? They couldn't 
search the whole crowd. 

No. I (busy with lunch). Didn't they — get the thief? 

No. 2. Not when / left. I bet they're watching the 
doors pretty carefully now! 

No. I (looking up). Now! But that wsls— (checks 
herself) some time ago. 

No. 2. Yes, but — a clever store-thief rarely leaves the 
ground at once. 

No. I. No? 

No. 2. Oh, no ! They know too much for that. They 
mingle with the crowd, and get by, in spite of the detect- 
ives, an hour — or two or three hours later. 
. No. I. Very interesting. 

No. 2. This one, whoever she was, was smart. She's 
probably walking leisurely about the store now — shopping 
with all the coolness in the world, outwardly — -but in- 
side (She laughs and shakes her head.) Funny 

places, these stores ! You never know, do you, who any- 
body is that you're rubbing elbows with ? That thief — it 
might be you — it might be /, for all you know or / know, 

'{She has her eyes on the other, but quite inoffensively.) 



WRONG NUMBERS II 

No. I (rising, raging inwardly, and glad of an excuse 
to show it). I don't know you. You're a complete 
stranger — and I think you're pretty insolent. 

No. 2 (pleasantly amused). Not at all. 

No. I (furious). Yovi — a complete stranger — come 
and plant yourself opposite to me and insinuate that / 
might be — a thief! 

No. 2 ( quietly). Well, so you might be ! You forget — 
I included myself, too. I said : " For all we know — 
either of us might be." (Laughing quietly.) Perhaps it 
was a silly remark to make to a stranger, but you must 
admit it's a fascinating situation. (Silence.) Of course 
it's ridiculous, because I could very easily prove who / 
am, and I'm sure you could do the same. 

No. I (laughing uneasily). Of course. But then, the 
fascination would be gone. 

(She leans right over the table, looking squarely into 
No. 2's face.) 

No. 2 (same business) . Whereas, now — (little pause) 
we're " Women of Mystery." 

(A tense little pause, while they look straight in each 
other's eyes over the table.) 

No. I (with an uneasy little laugh, breaking the ten- 
sion). Yes. Er — may I trouble you for the salt? 

No, 2 (not moving, her eyes still fixed on No. i). 
Certainly. (Another pause.) -Now I come to think of 
it, since you took what I said too seriously — (decisively) 
let's do it. 

No. I (apprehensively) . Do what? 

No. 2. Let's prove to each other who we are. 

No. I (stiffly). Really, I'm not interested. 

No. 2. It will take the strain off the situation. (Pause. ) 
Well, now? (Pause.) Well? — 'Oh, I see — you want 
me to begin. AH right! 77/ own up first. (She rises, 
opens coat and shows a badge, points to it as she speaks.) 
That's who I am — Store Detective Number Three — at 
Messrs. Altermaker and Company, New York. Now it's 
your turn. (No. i is staring at her curiously.) What's 
the matter? 



12 WRONG NUMBERS 

No. I (sitting forward and speaking in a queen voice). 
What do you want? 

No. 2 (still pleasantly, but with certain inflexions). 
If you'd happened to be down-stairs just now, at the 
jeweler's when that robbery was committed, you'd have 
had to give your name and address. You wouldn't have 
minded, zvould you? Would youf (Silence.) Well— 
who are youf 

(The other has risen, facing her, and is nervously 
clutching the table.) 

No. I (hoarsely). What's your game? 

No. 2. Game ? 

No. I. Oh, cut it out! What do you want? 

No. 2 (looking her straight in the eye). I'm glad 
you're so — understanding. It saves a whole lot of 
trouble. I'll tell you what I want. 

No. I (trying a big bluff). I've had enough of your 
impertinence. (She makes a dash for the screen.) 

No. 2 (after her like lightning). Here — here! (She 
catches No, i by the wrist, and holds her.) You began 
so well — keep it up — keep quiet. That's right! 

No. I. How dare 

No. 2. S-s-sh ! Don't raise your voice ! There are 
people sitting within twenty yards of that screen — you 
might bring others here. You don't want that, do you? 
Better face it out with me, quietly. 

(They look each other in the eyes.) 

No. I (fiercely, but without moving). Take your 
hand off ! 

No. 2. AH right. (She lets go.) But don't try a 
" get-away " — because you won't pull it off. You're un- 
der suspicion already. 

No. I (fearfully) . What do you mean? 

No. 2. Didn't you see the waitress's manner? She 
suspected there was something wrong with you, directly 
she saw me with you. Better keep still. (No. i sub- 
sides sullenly. ) It was a pretty pendant, wasn't it ? 

No. I (in sullen defiance). Pendant — I don't know 
what you're talking about. 



WRONG NUMBERS I3 

No. 2. I mean, it was such a neat piece of work, it's 
a shame to spoil it! But I've got to spoil it. It's my — 
living. I've been trailing you for two hours. 

No. I {flinging herself sullenly into chair L. of table). 
Much good may it do you! 

No. 2. You began at the glove counter. From there 
to the leather goods — but you drew a blank there. Then 
you went to the perfumes. You have very good taste in 
perfumes ! From there to the lingerie — that was a big 
haul! {She looks over at the big knitting-bag hanging 
on No. I's chair.) Suppose they're in there, eh? Handy 
things, those big knitting-bags ! I was lost in admiration 
of your work! But it' was at the jewelry that I handed 
it to you ! Not a soul suspected you but / — you'd have 
got away — but for me. What a shame ! {She drops 
bantering tone.) Come — throw up your cards — come 
across ! 

No. I {desperately). See here! I'm not interested 
in this — I don't know what the hell you're driving at ! 

{She makes a rush to get out r.) 

No. 2 {her hand in her muff). Don't move! I've a 
little friend here that will stop you if you try a " get- 
away." {She has drawn back the end of her muff and 
the glint of steel of a small revolver is showing. No. i 
has stopped dead at the words " Don't move "; she turns 
slowly, sees the weapon, and crumples.) Sit down! 

No. I {crumpling). My God! 

{She sinks in chair l.) 

No. 2. Pull yourself together. {She looks round, 
keeping No. i covered.) And if the waitress comes back, 
keep your eyes down, and keep still. 

No. I. What are you going to do? 

No. 2. Well, it depends a good deal on you. I've 
made my living this way now for some time, but I haven't 
lost all feeling — yet! One thing's certain. You'll have 
to turn over the goods. {Pause.) Will you? Or won't 
you? {Pause.) Oh, well, if you won't, then there's 
only one thing to be done. I must 



14 WRONG NUMBERS 

{She has moved up to screen as if to call some one.) 

No. I (breaking up, and stopping her). Oh, please — 
please. Don't! Don't! I give up! I can't go on! 
I'm all in ! I'm new at the game. I'm not an old hand; 
and if you knew the things that have led up to it — you're 
a woman, too, and if you've got any heart you can't let 
them get me. I'll tell you — God, what a life! I've got 
a kid — a baby ; its father's a brute to us both. New York,' 
and not a dollar — d'ye know what that's like? That's 
what I've had to face — New York and not a dime to buy 
a dinner ! With a kid to keep as well as yourself. That's 
w^hat I've had to face in this damned city. You said you 
had a heart. {Bitterly. ) Yes — you look it ! Oh, what's 
the good of telling you! What's the use! 

No. 2. Go on — better tell it all out. 

No. I. He went off and left me with the kid — I hadn't 
a cent! I had to face the situation squarely. (Pulling 
herself together.) I said to myself : ** If I've got to be a 
crook to live — I'll be sl crook ! " If was for the child's 
sake — and my own — Fd got to live as well, hadn't I? 
(Fiercely.) Hadn't I? 

No. 2. We all think it's necessary, but it isn't. Go on. 

No. I. I found this was easy. I'd got a gift — a knaclz 
of doing it. It's kept us both in comfort for weeks. I've 
done it for my baby, and I'd do it again! I'd go on doing 
it — and doing it — for her. 

(Breaks down, sobbing, on the other's left shoulder, 
clinging to her.) 

No. 2 (with the air of a connoisseur). Ah, that's 
good — that's good. That was well done! (She pats 
No. I soothingly. No. i twists her head, and looks up in 
No. 2's face, a question in her expression; but No. 2 is 
inscrutable. No. i bursts out sobbing afresh.) Now, I 
told you I hadn't lost all heart yet, and if you do as I tell 
you, I'll get you out of it — this once; but you must obey 
me quickly, and give me no trouble. 

No. I (quickly going on her knees, catches No. 2's 
hand). .What do you want me to do? (Eagerly.) I 
swear to you 



WRONG NUMBERS I5 

No. 2. Oh, I'm not going to extract any promises 
from you — you wouldn't keep them" if I did. If you go 
on with this game you'll get caught all right. (Roughly.) 
You're the type that gets caught. But that's your look- 
out. They say women are hard on each other. (She 
looks at No. I a moment; No. i watches her very anx- 
iously.) I'll give you a chance. (No. i moves as if to 
kiss her hand, hut No. 2 grips her hands quickly, stopping 
her.) But, first, you must give up everything you took. 
I'll take charge of it. 

No. I (half -sobbing still and crumpled), Awright! 

No. 2. Everything, mind — the things I saw you take, 
and the things I didn't see you take. I know the ways 
of you people. You keep your fingers in practice at 
every counter you pass. (Sternly.) Now 

No. I. You'll get me out of this place — you swear it? 

No. 2. No, I promise. Just as good. 

No. I (sobbing still). Awright! (With nervous 
fingers No. i disengages the loot from knitting-bag, 
sleeves, pocket. Several yards of lace she pulls out of 
the front of her dress, a pair of silk stockings she draws 
from up her sleeve. N. B. These things must he left 
to the discretion of the players. There should he about 
a dozen articles in all. She dumps them on table, with 
ill-concealed rage, and sobs. Last, with a look of ex- 
treme hashfulness at No. 2, she turns, slightly, and ex- 
tracts, a silver vanity-case from her stocking.) That's 
the lot. (They eye each other without flinching.) 
Honest to God that's the lot ! 

No. 2. I'm sorry, but I shall have to ask you to pass 
over the hag. 

No. I (getting in front of it). There's nothing in it! 

No. 2. Of course not! Well, then, you can't object 
to hand it over. Hurry up ! (Holds out hand. Sid- 
lenly. No. i passes it. No. 2 feels about in it swiftly, 
and professionally. ) Ah — that's a good idea. I haven't 
seen one like this before! Quite clever! (Stops sud- 
denly.) Secret pocket ! Naturally. (No. i shows signs 
of great interest, while No. 2 extracts a pockethook. and 
takes out a card; reading card.) " Mrs. Van Duysen, 
1300 Riverside Drive." (Holds out card under No. I's 



l6 WRONG NUMBERS 

nose.) That's not your address! (Throws away card 
and feels in other side of pockethook, her eyes on No. I's 
face. Drawing a roll of bills from an envelope which 
she has taken from case, counting them.) Thirty-five, 
fifty-five, seventy-five, ninety-five, one hundred! 

No. I {raging). Aren't you going to leave me a car- 
fare? 

No. 2. I'll leave you this five-dollar bill. {She holds 
up the hill and puts it hack in the envelope.) I'll put it 
in the envelope. I want th& hag. {She throws envelope 
on table, puts roll of bills in her hand-bag, from which 
she takes a pencil, sits, thrusts her hand in the muff, and 
writes on the envelope, her hand thrust through the muff, 
containing the revolver. No. i sees her opportunity to 
sneak off, but just as she reaches the screen No. 2 gives 
a short cough, and lets the revolver be seen in her hand. 
No. I stop^ dead in her sneak-off and waits, her eyes on 
the weapon. No. 2 looks up and holds out envelope.) 
For the "kid"! {Hands it to No. i, who snatches it 
quickly.) And now-- — ? 

{She holds out her hand expectantly.) 

No. I {eagerly, and with a swift movement to the 
exit). I can go, can't I? 

No. 2 {with a still swifter movement, blocking her exit, 
getting before her). Oh, no! Just ow^ thing more. 
{They face each other.) Think! Think hard! {She 
again lets the barrel of her revolver be seen through the 
muff; with a quiet smile.) Think very hard ! 

No. I {seeing the game is up). I forgot. 

No. 2 {smiling sweetly). Fancy! (No. i reluctantly 
takes a velvet jewel-case out of the bosom of her dress 
and sullenly hands it over. No. 2 opens it and looks at it 
admiringly.) It is — a beauty! Hard to part with it! 
{She shuts it up, and pockets it.) You have my sym- 
pathy. {She becomes very short and businesslike.) 
Now, listen ! Pay attention, or I can't answer that you'll 
get off. You'll sit there^qmetly — {indicates chair l. of 
table) for five minutes after I leave you. (No. i drops 
sidlenly into the chair, her hands in her pockets, the 



WRONG NUMBERS 



17 



picture of gloom. No. 2, suddenly.') Put your watch on 
the table in front of you. Have you a watch? {The 
other looks at her, and hesitates.) Oh ! Surely you have 
somebody's watch ! (No. i produces watch; No. 2, setting 
up watch on table.) Pretend to finish your lunch, pay 
the bill, then walk out leisurely, stopping nowhere, at the 
up town entrance. Don't hurry, and don't be afraid. No 
one will touch you ! {She looks round, picks up knitting- 
bag and, with swift movements, collects the stolen articles 
and thrusts them in the bag, as she talks.) Now, it's 
for you to decide about the future — but I'll give you a tip. 
I advise you, for your "' kid's " sake, to try another pro- 
fession. You're not clever enough for this one. You 
won't succeed. You're not an artist. {She is up by the 
screen.) You broke down too soon. You should have 
bluffed it out — just two minutes longer ! {She looks off 
into the main restaurant. ) Two minutes ! Remember 
my words. {She glances off again.) Good-bye! 

(No. I sits, her hands in her pockets, staring at the 
watch. After a second the Waitress comes in with 
check, which she is making out. She saunters over, 
writing.) 

Wait. Here's your check. {She looks up, suddenly, 
seeing the empty seat.) Hullo! {Very sharply.) 
Where's she gone ? To powder her nose ? 

No. I {coming out of her stupor). No. 

Wait, {excitedly). Gone! Left! What about her 
check ? 

No. I {bewildered). I — I 

Wait, {with rising excitement). What about hers? 

No. I. I never thought about it! 

Wait. She did though ! She's a smarty all right ! 

No. I. What do you mean? 

Wait. I'm surprised at you! Lunching with that! 

No. I {supposing she is alluding to the detective). 
You know who she is ? 

Wait, {proudly). I. should ^ay so! I'd have handed 
her something, but Fm a bit afraid of dirt like her. They; 



l8 WRONG NUMBEI^S 

always get back at you. (Disdainfully.) Know who 
she is! Some of our people would like to get their 
fingers on her! ' 

No. I (staring). " Get their fingers on her? " What 
do you mean — " get their fingers on her "? ^ 

Wait. That's ''Stunning Sadie/' that is — Stunning 
Sadie — one of the slickest crooks in New York ! 

No. I (jumping up as if shot). What! 

Wait. I thought you was her friend! 

No. I (collapsing). Gord! 

Wait. They all know her, but they can't run her 
down. They'll get her some day — and then — " Good- 
night.'* (Suddenly, realizing how she has been done. 
No. I makes a headlong dive' for the door. Waitress 
catches her and swings her round.) Jlere — here! Pay 
your bill first. Pay her bill, won't you ? I let you in this 
corner for lunch ! Pay it — aw gwan, pay it, or they'll 
stop it out of my pay. (Holding on to No. i.) 

No. I. I can't! She made me hand over everything! 
" Store Detective Number Three " ! 

Wait, (staring). What do you mean — "Store De- 
tective"? 

No. I. Didn't leave me a car-fare! (Suddenly re- 
membering.) Yes, she did — the bill! The five-dollar 
bill " for the kid." (She eagerly opens, the envelope that 
" Stunning Sadie " gave her. She takes out a piece of 
paper — her face falls, and she says, staring at it.) One 
word!, (Reading from paper.) "Thanks." 

Wait, (anxiously watching). Where's the five dollars ? 

No. I (furious; throwing down paper). Gone ! Damn I 

Wait, (eyes like saucers). Gee! (Hurries off, say- 
ing. ) Here, / must see about this ! 

No. I (starting up and getting ready to go, arranging 
veil, gloves, etc., with trembling fingers, and speaking be- 
tween snivelling and rage). It was a good game, 
" Stunning Sadie," a good game! But I put one over on 
you, I did! I got sl bit oi my own back! When I cried 
on your shoulder — (mimic ks) " My poor kid — my starv- 
ing kid" — I copped your l?adge ! (She smirks, and draws 
from her pocket the badge worn by " Stunning Sadie " — 
a brass article, with a large "j" on it.) I got your 



WRONG NUMBERS I9 

badge, " Detective Number Three." {She holds it up in 
triumph, and pins it on her left side, where "Stunning 
Sadie " wore it. Mimicking " Stunning Sadie's " man- 
ner. ) "" That's who / am ! " It's a good One ! It's a 
damned good one! (Up at exit.) I'm off — to try the 
trick, myself. 

(She goes out in triumph.) 



CURTAIN 



THE CRIMSON COCOANUT 

And Other Plays 

By Ian Hay 

This collection contains the following titles, all of which can be con- 
fidently recommended for amateur performance in schools or elsewhere as 
high in tone and exceptionally amusing. Mr. Hay is well known as a 
novelist and literary man. 

THE CRIMSON COCOANUT 

An Absurdity in One Act. Four males, two females. Costumes, mocjern ; 
scenery, an interior. Plays thirty-five minutes. Mr. Pincher, of Scot- 
land Yard, in pursuit of some dangerous anarchists, entangles the lady 
of his choice and her father in some humorous perils, but ends by cap- 
turing both the criminals and the lady. Author's royalty of ^5.00 for 
amateur performance. 

A LATE DELIVERY 

A Play in Three Episodes. Three males, two females. Scene, an in- 
terior ; costumes, modern. Plays forty minutes. Bill, a middle-aged 
admirer of Marjorie, learns just as he has finished a letter to her propos- 
ing marriage that Tim, a young man, is also in love with her. He as- 
sumes her to love his rival and does not mail the letter. She finds it on 
his desk and opens it, and learning the truth makes choice of the older 
and better man. Royalty for amateurs, ^5.00 for each performance. 

THE MISSING CARD 

A Comedietta in One Act, Two males, two females. Scene, an in- 
terior ; costumes, modern. Plays thirty minutes. Two elderly admirers 
of Mrs. Millington decide to deal the pack to see which shall first propose 
to her, the one who gets the Queen of Hearts to win. She privately takes 
this card out of the pack and when they have gone through it in vain, 
announces her engagement to another man. Royalty for amateurs, j?5.oo 
a performance. 

PricCi all three in one volume ^ jo cents 



THE MARRIAGE OF JACK AND JILL 

A Mother Goose Entertainment in Two Scenes 

By Lilian Clisby Bridgham 

Forty children. Costumes, wedding ; no scenery required. Plays 
forty minutes. A Mother Goose wedding and reception carried out by the 
smallest children. Very pretty and easy to get up ; strongly recommende<Jt 
Not a pantomime merely, but calls for some speaking parts, 
Price^ 2j cents 



HALF HOURS OF VAUDEVILLE 

In arranging an entertainment for club, lodge, church or society, how 
often does the committee in charge find themselves with a half-hour on 
their hands, for which no suitable feature has been prepared. It is for 
just such occasions that this book has been arranged. The selections are 
all up to date, and have been written with the view of pleasing just such 
audiences. They can be played in any lodge room, church platform, or 
even in a parlor ; and while simple in construction, give ample opportunity 
for the display of histrionic talent. 

By Gordan V. May 
Pricey 2^ cents 

CONTENTS 

Male FemaU 

One Little Shoe . , . . . Dramatic Sketch . i i 

Just Notions ...... Farcical " . i i 

After Many Years .... Dramatic ** . 2 2 

A Lesson In Love .... Comedy " . i i 

The Baby Comedy " . i i 

The Baby . . . same as above, arranged for . 2 
Vengeance Is Mine .... Tragic Sketch . 2 
Dr, Dobbs' Assistant . • . Farcical " .6 

For THE Sake OF a Thousand Comedy " .2 i 

Marinda's Beaus Comic Pantomime 2 i 

1750-1912 3 

CASTE 

An Original Comedy in Three Acts 

By T. W, Robertson 
Four males, three females. Scenery, a single interior ; costumes, 
modern. Plays a full evening. A reproduction of the famous Boston 
Museum prompt-book of this sterling play, containing all the customary 
*< business " and interpolations used in the American theatre. Few plays 
give more even and varied opportunity to its actors or more effectively 
mingle humor and strong dramatic interest than this, and none ever en- 
joyed wider or more enthusiastic popularity at the time of its first pro- 
duction. Strongly recommended for amateur performance. 
Price, i^ cents 

TWO STRIKES 

A Baseball Comedy in Two Acts 

By Thacher Rowland Guild 
Six males, one female. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. 
Plays an hour and a quarter. Originally produced by The Mask and 
Bauble Society of the Uuivei-sity of Illinois, and highly recommended for 
similar uses. Very easy to produce, all the parts of nearly equal oppor* 
tunityj dramatic interest unusually strong. Can be relied upon to please. 
Pricet 2S cents 



VAUDEVILLAINIES 

A Collection of Sketches for Use in Vaudeville 
By Harry L. Newtofi 
Comprising ten snappy twenty minute acts, many of which have been 
used one or more seasons by professional talent. 
Price^ 2_S cents 

CONTENTS 
Chocolate Drops, 2 m. Then and Now, 1 m. 1 f. 

The Customs' Inspector, 2 m. The Third Degree— and Last, I m. I f« 

From Soup to Nuts, 2 m. A Call to Arms, 1 m. 1 f. 

Just Before the Battle, 1 m. 1 f. Her Second Time on Earth, 1 m. 1 f. 

Our Summer Boarder, 1 m. 1 f. Strenuous Mame, 1 m. 1 f. 

FUN ON THE BINGVILLE BRANCH 

An Entertainment in One Scene 

( By Jessie A. Kelley 
Seventeen males, eighteen females. Scenery unimportant ; costumes, 
modern and eccentric. Plays about an hour. A very easy and funny pre- 
sentation of the humors of railway travel, full of laughs and chances for 
local hits. In the class with " Scenes in the Union Depot," " The Village 
Post-Office," etc. Strongly recommended. 
Price, 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS 

Conductor. Frances Cross, small daughter 

Brakeman. of Mrs. Cross. 

Newsboy. Alyse Parker | ^^.,w. ^,y/- 

Mrs. Mist Mi^^, who gets on the Maysie Richie ^ ^^^"^^^ g^^is. 

wrong train. Silas Noser, who has a nose. 

Mr. and Mrs. Alger, and baby. Johnny Jackson, who asks ques- 
Mr. andMrs.Levaggi j an tions. 

Tony, Mary a^t>\ Italian Mrs, Marston, who is taking 

Peter Levaggi ) family. John7ty with her. 

Mrs. Fussy, a rich woman, very Michael Murphy, who is polite. 

fussy. ' Israel Levitsky, who cannot 

Robert, her nephew, anxious to speak English. 

please. Mrs. Precise "I very prim 

Mame Jones ] , . , Mrs. Mannerly j ladies. 

Liz Smith yowery gins. y^^^ Smarty, who tries to be 

Mrs. Mulligan, with her four funny. 

children. Mr. Austin, who feels rather 

Rube Hickey ] who are going cranky. 

Sal Sofer j to the circus. 'Rastus Jones, a darkey taking 
Edythe Ray \ high school his first ride. 
Pauline Porter ] girls. Saul Cohen, an elderly Jew. 

Mrs. Cross. 

Neither the Levaggi nor the Mulligan children have any speaking part 
Some characters may be omitted if desired and some can take two or more 
parts, !\s nearly all the parts are short and easy. The children's parts 
may be taken by adults dressed as children if desired. 



RED CAP 

A Play for Children in Two Acts 

By Mary Willard Keyes 
Five male, ten female characters ; some of the parts may be taken by 
either boys or girls. Scenery natural ; if produced indoors, easily ar- 
ranged or largely dispensed with. Costumes, simple. Plays an hour and 
a quarter. A very pretty play for children, not at all difficult, wholly 
suited for performance by Girl Scouts or by summer camping parties. Its 
very graceful and interesting story inculcates a love of outdoor life and 
consideration for animals and flowers, but it is never didactic in effect and 
is always thoroughly entertaining. Alicia and Nancy, rambling upon the 
mountain on Midsummer Day, are given a glimpse of Fairyland and its 
secrets and take away from their experience some very valuable lessons. 
A small royalty of ^5.00 is asked for its performance. 
Price, 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS 

Alicia, a girl of fourteen. Dryad of the Beech. 

Nancy, about the same age. Dryad of the White Birch. 

Father Mountain. Dryad of the Pine. 

Lycinthia, a water nymph. Mirabel 1 ^ />„v,Vc 

Farael, guardian of the birds. Briar Rose J J^ower jairies. 

Dorian, guardian of the little Fire Sprite. 

wild beasts. Breeze. 



Fungus Dod 
Fungus Tod 



elves. 



DOUBLE-CROSSED 

A Comedy in One Act 
By Charles C Mather 
Three males, three females. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. 
Plays thirty minutes, Mel Treman cannot decide which of two girls he 
wants to marry, and proposing to both in turn, is surprised to be rejected 
by both. Before he recovers from the shock, number one telephones that 
she has changed her mind, and the next mail brings word from the other 
that she too will be his. How he gets out of it is the story of a very 
funny play. Highly recommended. 

Price, IS cents 



DISPATCHES FROM WASHINGTON 

A Play in One Act 

By Charles C. Mather 

Three males, five females. Costumes of the Revolution ; scene, an 

easy exterior. Plays twenty minutes. Jonathan Fisher, the bearer of 

dispatches for General Washington, faces capture by the British but is 

rescued by a clever ruse by five patriotic girls. Can be recomroendecl. 

Price, i^ cmts 



'S and Novelties That Have Been '* Winners " 



Play; 



The Americana 

Aniiffi's Trial 

Art Ctu3)s are Trumps 

Bebind the Scenes 

The Camp Fire Girls 

A Case for Sherlock {iolmes 

The Farmerette 

Getting the Range 

Her First Assigflojeot 

Hitty's Service Fiag 

Joint Owners in Spaia 

A King's Daughter 

The Knitting Club Akets 

A Udy to Cail 

Leave it to Pol!y 

The Minute Maa 

Miss Fearless & Co. 

A Modern Cinderella 

Moth-Balis 

Rebecca's Triumph 

The Thirteenth Star 

Twelve Old Maids 

An Awkward Squad 

The Blow Up of Algernon Blew 

The Boy Scouts 

A Close Shave 

The First National Boot 

A Half- Back's Interference 

His Father's Son 

The Man With the Nose 

On the Quiet 

The People's Money 

A Regular Rah I Rah ! Boy 

A Regular Scream 

Schmerecase in School 

The Scoutmaster 

The Tramps' Convention 

The Turn in the Road 

Wanted— A Pitcher 

What They Did for Jenkins 

Aunt Jerusha's Quilting Party 

The District School at Blueberry 

Corners 
The Emigrants* Party 
Miss Prim's Kindergarten 
A Pageant of History 
The Revel of the Year 
Scenes in the Union Depot 
Taking the Census in Bingvllle 
The Village Post-Office 
Women in War 



Males 



8 

8 

20 

6 

7 
10 

14 
8 
12 
II 
14 
II 

9 
10 

17 

9 

II 

14 
4 



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12 17 I ** 25 c 

24 10 I « 25c 

10 II i}4 " 25c 

Any number 2 " 25c 

" « I « 25c 

14 8 i>^ « 25c 

22 20 2 « 25c 

II ^ " 15c 

BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass* 



"aiQfr: 



4 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



4 



Plays for Collej 



The Air Spy 

Bacheior ll&W 

The CoUege Chap 

The ColoneFs Maid 

Daddy 

The Deacon's Second Wife 

The District AUoraey 

The Duich Detecilve 

An Easy Mark 

The Elopement of Ellen 

Engaged by Wednesday 

The Farmerette 

For One Night Only 

Hamilton 

Higbee of Harvard 

Kitty's Service Flag 

The Hoodoo 

The Hurdy Qurdy Girl 

Katy Did 

Let's Get Married 

London Assurance 

Lost a Chaperon 

The Man from Brandon 

The Man Who Went 

The Man Without a Coumry 

Master Pierre Pateiin 

Me and Otis 

The Minute Man 

Mose 

Mr. Bob 

Mrs. Briggs of the Poultry Yard 

Nathan Hale 

Nephew or Uncle 

Professor Pepp 

A Regiment of Two 

The Revenge of Sharl-Hot-Su 

The Rivals 

The Romancers 

The Rose and the Ring 

Sally Lunn 

The School for Scandal 

She Stoops to Conquer 

Step Lively 

The Submarine Shell 

The Thirteenth Star 

The Time of His Life 

Tommy's Wife 

The Twig of Thora 

For " special 



Sr^' 




royalties, see catalogue descriptions for 
detailed information. 



BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass. 






/ 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

illilllllllllllilllilllilillillii 

015 905 249 7 t 



